The Liberated Learner — Column by Suzanne Kearney
When my firstborn son was just a little guy, I dutifully enrolled him in swimming lessons. Although I had been a competitive swimmer in the past, I assumed that the job would best be outsourced to “the experts.” Unfortunately, after 6 months, three flunkouts, and over $200, he still was not swimming. Then I had an epiphany: I could teach him myself, in the way that fit him best (rather than trying to meet the “standards” set by the swim school). I got in the pool with him and within three weeks he was swimming. As it turned out, I was the best teacher for my child.
Last month at the Homeschool Idaho North conference, speaker and author Todd Wilson reminded those in attendance of four simple truths, one of which was illustrated in the story above. In earlier generations, perhaps, these truths would have been self-evident; but nowadays, we need them articulated. While I can’t communicate them on paper with the same heartfelt humor as Todd does in person, I encourage you to consider each one thoughtfully as you steward the upbringing of your own children.
- Home is the best place for your children.
For centuries, children were born, raised, educated, and nurtured primarily in the home. Home is the place where family bonds form, language is acquired, culture and faith are modeled, and the foundation is laid for physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual growth.
Only in recent times have we split the family into separate entities (Dad and Mom go to separate jobs, kids to school in separate classes), spending upwards of 2/3 of their waking hours outside the home.
This is a great tragedy.
Home is a safe place for children to learn skills, make mistakes, resolve conflicts, and receive unconditional acceptance, love, and security in the process.
It may be said that we have sacrificed the character development of the modern generations on the altar of “education” (formerly, the acquisition of facts and knowledge; presently, ideological indoctrination), and this has not gone well for us. Young people today are more isolated, depressed, and anxious than ever before. A return to the safe and nourishing environment of the home, in the care of loving parents, is one way to right this wrong.
- Parents are the best teachers of their children.
Who knows your child best? Who loves him the most? Who is there when he stumbles and falls, or achieves a hard-earned success? While there are many wonderful, caring teachers in the school system, not one can come close to the connection of a parent.
You, Mom or Dad, have raised your child since birth and know every quirk, what makes her laugh or cry, what she excels at and what makes her struggle. You are invested in her for life. Her success not just in school, but in adulthood and beyond, is something you think and pray about constantly.
I had several memorable teachers in my public-school experience; but they were only a part of my life for a year or two. Not so with your own child. She is your flesh and blood. Because you share an unbreakable lifelong bond, I can guarantee that if you choose to home educate, you will find a way to meet your child’s unique needs.
- Every child is a masterpiece.
Okay, I’ll admit it. Sometimes my kids don’t feel like “masterpieces.” Sometimes they just make me want to smash something in pieces! But seriously, think for a moment about your child. His personality, his talents, his ability to question and discover, the things that make him unique.
God has designed the family to shape us into the people he wants us to be, and He specifically chose you for your child and your child for you. At times I have struggled with this truth, because my daughter and I are complete opposites. I wonder why God placed logical, orderly, neat-freak me with a kid who is allergic to organization and seems to leave a trail of destruction wherever she goes.
But I am exactly what she needs, and she what I need, and God knows it. Her ways force me to be patient, let little things go, and seek compromise. My ways reign her in and help her grow in self-discipline. God will use her busy, creative mind for something great, and He put me in the mix to help tediously tie all the loose strings together, one homeschool day at a time.
- Relationship matters more than anything else.
Think about ten, fifteen, or however many years from now, when your children are all grown and out of the house. What will you wish you had done differently? I am guessing you won’t say you wish you had spent more time on the quadratic formula or diagramming sentences. You will likely think about the relationships you have with them, for better or for worse.
When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t want to be surrounded by their Harvard diplomas or bank statements. You will want to be with them. If you are still in those child-rearing years, remember, time is absolutely essential in building relationships. You have only a finite amount, and once it is gone, you can never get it back.
If you choose to spend those fleeting years of childhood together, you will not regret it. Yes, you may miss opportunities for financial growth or career advancement, but you will gain something much more valuable in the process: the heart of your child. Get to know her. Try to enjoy her (even if she’s a moody teen). When those precious moments arise when she just wants to talk – be there.
Todd ended his message with one more memorable, bonus truth: “It’s hard… but it’s good.” Having your kids home all day is hard. Taking all the responsibility for their education yourself is hard. Dealing with conflict, willfulness, and character issues is hard. But I would not trade my decision to homeschool for anything. Because, for the most part, the relationships I have with my kids are good. Not perfect — but good. We planted the seeds when they were little, and they are finally starting to bear fruit. And it was worth it.
