Rites of Passage — Column by Mark Martinez
“Mom, can you help me type my report for school?”
I hadn’t yet learned to type, and I had just entered the age in my schooling where reports were no longer allowed to be handwritten.
“Sure, when is it due?” she would reply.
“Umm, tomorrow?” was my typical answer. Of course, this was usually around 7:00 p.m., after she had already cooked the family meal and done the dishes. “I’ll stay up with you so that I can answer any questions you have on it,” I would sheepishly add. It was not uncommon for me to wake up from my slumber at about 1:00 a.m. to the sound of the keyboard as she worked on my assignment.
The month of May is when Mother’s Day is celebrated. Like nearly every holiday, it can bring a range of emotions. Some celebrate the great mom that they have. Others tearfully recall fond memories of their departed mom. Others never had a favorable relationship, if any, with their mother and this can be a day of bitterness or disappointment. For those in this last group mentioned, let me simply say that I’m sorry. It is in our God-given nature that a mother would naturally provide and protect her offspring. Yet, the brokenness of this world has often produced brokenness in people, and some mothers just are not capable of being a mom. I pray you have sought out other relationships wherein you are accepted and loved for who you are.
Typically, moms carry a very heavy load for their children. They help to provide food and clothing and contribute to giving us a roof over our head. They teach us what we need to learn. They encourage us, protect us, and comfort us. They clean us when we are dirty, mop up our messes, nurse us when we are sick and bandage us when we are hurt. A very heavy load of responsibilities, to be sure. So what can you do for her in return, other than a card, meal or some sort of gift?
There are only three responsibilities that children have back to their parents, if you follow biblical instruction. Can you guess what they are prior to reading on? They are Honor your parents, Obey your parents, and Accept Discipline from your parents.
I recognize that this may be very difficult, if not seem impossible, based on your relationship with them (I’m adding in dads here, since Father’s Day is in June). Perhaps you don’t feel they deserve honor, obedience, or discipline acceptance. And you may be right. However, I have come to learn this truth based on the numerous families I have mentored and coached. Most parents do not wake up in the morning thinking, “What can I do today to screw up my kid’s life?” Most parents are doing the best they can, even when they themselves struggle with brokenness due to their own parental relationships.
Since I work with youth, I want to offer these suggestions for young people who are still living at home. Do you want to create a memorable Mother’s Day? Ask your mom what you can do to help her. When she replies, then just do it. No attitude, no complaining, no reminders. When you’re finished, ask her what else you can do. What would be even more amazing is if you took the initiative to do things for her that you know she needs help with, without even asking her.
Here’s a secret, sons and daughters. Parents typically take our cues from you. That is, when you do things for us, we naturally want to do good things for you. When bad, ungrateful attitudes are brought to us, we really are not interested in doing as much for you. The parent/child relationship is very easy. Honor and obey us, and accept discipline, even when we are wrong. Show kindness and helpfulness to us, and we want to shower you with blessings in return. It’s in our nature.
Final tip: don’t limit this advice to Mother’s Day. Try that on a regular basis, and you will see your parental relationship completely transformed.
